Tag Archives: fun

The World’s Best Winter Car

After a beautiful summer, the inevitable has happened. The place I call home, Northern Michigan officially has snow in the forecast. Cue the miserable cold, snow removal, holidays, and everyone’s favorite: slippery roads. Many people in what is affectionately known as the, “Snowbelt,” are probably freaking out. Not me though, I’ve got this “winter” thing all figured out. I have purchased a 4×4 vehicle with plenty of ground clearance, limited-slip differentials, and a huge American V8 that I can use to intentionally make my SUV spin around in an exciting fashion. Do those qualities really make up the perfect winter vehicle though? Would I have been just fine driving my beloved VW throughout the coldest, snowiest portion of the year? Today we will find out what makes the perfect winter vehicle and what you need to do to prepare to tackle the snowy hellscape that shows up every winter.

My very own Jeep.
My very own Jeep.

If you asked random people what they would want to traverse the roads during the winter months, many would just say what they have always been told and blurt out, “four wheel drive, duh!” And out of those people, some would require a real 4×4 powertrain, while others would be content with all-wheel drive. The first group of these people, the 4×4 fanboys, are terrified of modern engineering. They think that if you don’t have to pull a lever or turn a knob to engage 4×4 you aren’t going to have a chance driving through the half inch of snow many city commuters have to traverse to get to their workplaces. Friends, I’m here to tell you that if you insist your engine drives all four of your wheels you most likely don’t actually need to have a transfer-case (and if you don’t know what a transfer case is, you definitely don’t need one). True four wheel drive trucks and SUVs are best suited for those planning on doing some moderate to extreme off-roading, and don’t even pretend that you will ever do anything that even comes close. For the rest of us, an awd or even fwd setup will be just fine to help us find traction.

Are these so-called “people” correct though? Is 4×4 what you need to survive a winter in a place like northern Michigan?

A so-called, "person."
A so-called, “person.”

Absolutely not.

If you are wondering why you are still reading this, you are about to get a bomb of knowledge dropped right onto the screen of whatever it is the kids these days are using the access the internet.

The perfect winter car, is literally any car.

winter Beetle

I’ll save you some time by writing out some comments that I expect readers of this article will be saying.

“You idiot, the Bugatti Veyron is a terrible winter car.”

“You suck, SUBARU FOR LIFE, BRO.”

“I have a FWD/RWD car with cheap discount tires and I go in the ditch all the time, you know nothing.”

First, the Bugatti Veyron is a terrible winter car, for a climate that gets cold. But it’s the perfect winter car for a drug lord in Miami.

Second, tell me about the times you’ve had to replace the head gaskets in your Subaru, bro. AWD means nothing when your car is overheating in -25 degree weather, and third…

Proper winter or all-season tires will turn any two wheel drive vehicle into a snow conquering chariot.

The last two winters have been the two worst I have ever seen. It felt like the small mid-Michigan college town of Big Rapids was moved to a location right off the ice road highlighted in the History Channel show, “Ice Road Truckers.” So I definitely had a 4×4 SUV or truck because I never missed a day of class, right? Absolutely not, the car that got me through many blizzards, and whiteouts was a simple Volkswagen Beetle riding on some nice all-season rubber. I vividly remember driving around many-a-stuck SUV in my underpowered hatchback. With a set of winter tires, I could have probably driven to the North Pole. Tires are the only part of your car that touch the road, and a set of snow tires give you the traction you need to get moving. Want to go one step further and go from extremely capable to truly unstoppable? Put a set of snow tires on an AWD or 4WD SUV and tell me how many feet of snow you effortlessly drove though.

So friends, if you have no reason other than snow to purchase something with 4×4 or AWD, don’t! Get the car that you really want, and don’t get too bent out of shape over four months of the year. If an awkwardly tall guy in a VW Beetle can get where he needs to go, so can you in a Ford Fusion with snow tires.

As a little bit of inspiration, I will include many photographs of unlikely vehicles partaking in fun winter activities.

c4-vette-with-plow-1
Photo Cred: Stingrayforums.com
Ferrari-FF_2012_1600x1200_wallpaper_5e.980x0
Photo Cred: carsvibe.com
miata
A Miata, crushing winter.
Photo Cred: Mohammed Alibrahim
Photo Cred: Mohammed Alibrahim
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Seven Words and Phrases You Needed to Start Using Yesterday.

Your vocabulary is a great way to set yourself apart from the crowd, both personally and professionally. I have decided to put together a list of my most used phrases and words to help out those who care, but that’s not all…I have made the whole list available for the low low price of zero dollar and zero cents. Wow, what a deal.

Let’s go learn something.

scott blog

Rapscallion

This is a word very close to my heart. Google the word and you will see that it technically means, “a mischievous person,” but technically, it means so much more. You can literally call anyone a rapscallion for doing anything questionable.

“Steve stole Kyle’s signature song at karaoke last night,” one friend says to another. “What a Rapscallion.” says the other friend.

Rapscallion really stands out these days, it is a great way to show your disapproval of something while still keeping the conversation on the lighter side.

Jagaloon

I threw down the big ones right up front. Jagaloon (as made famous by the movie, Stepbrothers), simply means lunatic or idiot. Use this term to refer to a person doing dumb things. When your best friend says something embarrassing to the fine lady you are romancing you can just blow it off saying:

“Just ignore George, he’s quite the Jagaloon.” 

Jagaloon is a great word to use along side Rapscallion, the two words together never fail to prove a point.

Jabroni 

The word Jabroni has no true definition, but I think of it as a person who just doesn’t get it. This person wears cargo shorts with white sunglasses and says the word “bro” way too often. Jabronis care way too much about their image, but they don’t understand that their image isn’t worth caring about.

Guy 1: Did you see that last guy in the cargo shorts tee off?

Guy 2: Yeah, my grandmother could hit the ball farther…What a Jabroni. 

In 1964 Supreme Court Justice Potter Stewart famously said “I know it when I see it,” in reference to his person test to obscenity. Today, I’m saying the same phrase can be applied to Jabronis.

Out For A Rip

When you really give something your all, you take it Out For A Rip. This is a great way to let people know that you really are the boss, and that you want everyone to be on the same page. See also: Out For A Major Rip to describe something totally awesome.

Man, you really took those tacos Out For A Rip. 

What better way is there to tell people the state of your effort in any particular activity than a phrase that doesn’t really mean anything?

Ultracrepidarian

Do you have a friend who always thinks that they know what they are talking about, but never actually do? Well friend, I have the word for you. An Ultracrepidarian is someone who does just that. Flabbergast them next time they try to tell you a fact they think is correct (but totally isn’t) by calling them out.

Guy one: Did you know that kangaroos often become best friends with Koalas, conveniently sharing the responsibility of purchasing their favorite beverages for their parties?

Guy two: you are so full of it, you Ultracrepidarian.

I can’t believe this article is free.  

The Fans

This simple phrase is used to make yourself sound important. The reason you did something can always be “for The Fans.” It makes you sound super cool, and who doesn’t want to have fans?

Sam: Nice work on that super sweet burnout you did over there, Jack.

Jack: Thanks, I did it for the fans. 

Jack sounds like a super cool dude.

They Knew What They Didn’t Know

What do you say when someone really nails it with something that they said? Do you say, “wow, I can’t believe that you were right?” No, of course not, you proclaim this phrase, stating that they knew it all along. It’s a great way to end an awkward interaction about a news story or to wrap a conversation about something that happened in the past.

Tim: Man, I can’t believe that new Fast and Furious movie was terrible.

Dave: Yeah, it sucked. Although I remember Will telling me years ago that they were going to take that franchise too far.

Tim: Wow, I guess he Knew What He Didn’t Know. 

Say that line at the next party you attend.

SUPER BONUS: Take any word and abbreviate it, you’ll make anything sound fresh, and you save tons of valuable time.

What a Jabrone. 

That was a delicious Zza.

Nice abbreving, mate